Well, I'm working in Ottawa for the week, so not much poker at all to speak of. We finished at a reasonable hour yesterday though, so I figured I'd drive 8 minutes or so to Lac Leamy casino in Gatineau, Quebec. They just opened a brand-new fully automated poker room... No cards, no chips, no dealers... all electronic poker tables. If you've been there, and I have any details about the room wrong, please let me know.

Interesting stuff, well worth the visit. Before I get to that, though, a quick (and probably boring) non-poker story: I arrived in Ottawa at 3am on Sunday night (technically Monday morning). I'm here to shoot a show called "Naked Fashion" for Global. The rest of the Toronto crew flew here on Sunday, but I had to work on a show for the CBC that day ("Test the Nation"). I wasn't sure when I'd be done, and therefore had to drive myself to Ottawa after that gig instead of flying with everyone else. It took about five hours or so, because the 401 was completely screwed from Scarborough to Oshawa. The roads were completely fine, and then that section was like a skating rink. Traffic was completely stopped, and I was seeing people spin out like 20 feet in front of me.

Interesting stuff so far, huh?

Anyway, at around 2am or so I was finally getting near Ottawa. My car was telling me that the outside temperature was -26 degrees, which is disgustingly cold. And that's before the wind chill. I was trying not to imagine what would happen to me if my car inexplicably broke down, or I got into an accident or something. It probably wouldn't take long before I'd start to freeze... Humans aren't really equipped for that kind of weather. In fact, when it comes to the outdoors, we're not really equipped for anything. A bear cub could probably beat us in a fight. If you want to see mammals that are prepared for the harsh realities of the world, buy the BBC nature documentary called "Planet Earth". It's 15 or so one-hour episodes of the most stunning wildlife footage you've ever seen. Unbelievable stuff, really... I highly recommend "Planet Earth".

So anyway, at around 2 in the morning or so, I was the only car on the highway that takes you from the 401 to Ottawa. I saw a deer standing next to the road, but it decided not to throw itself in front of my car, which I'm pretty sure they're genetically predisposed to do. So that blew my mind, and certainly woke me up. For the rest of the drive North, I kept my eyes on the right shoulder.

And then, out of nowhere from the LEFT, a wolf ran right in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and just barely missed it.

So yeah, that's my story, which I guess isn't all that great, but I've never almost hit a wolf before. Someone asked me if it could have been a coyote, but it was grey, not brown, and big and bushy. It was a wolf, no doubt. I'd like to think it's some kind of a sign, when a wolf crosses your path, but it's probably not.

I drove to the Lac Leamy casino last night, and arrived at around 8:15pm or so. I used my friend's Tom Tom GPS to find my way there, and I'm sold: I'm buying one when I get back to Toronto. A man at the casino entrance greeted me, and told me in French that the coat check was mandatory. It's really one more thing you're expected to tip for, and in a casino, that list is already pretty long. Seeing a casino full of people without bulky winter jackets gave it a more homey kind of feel though, and it was comfortable, so I guess it's worth it.

From the entrance, the floor was marked with "Poker: Texas Hold'em" stickers all the way to the poker room. There were also posters of Phil Laak everywhere, quoting him as saying that the new electronic poker tables represent "the future of poker". Whether or not that's the case remains to be seen, but I'm sure Phil isn't making many friends in the poker dealing industry.

The first thing that struck me about the new poker room was how dark it is compared to "normal" rooms. The low lighting, combined with the chic Toronto club district bar, would have fooled me into believing I was anywhere but in a poker room. But no... there they were, poker people (whom I can now pick out of a crowd of strangers, based on look and attitude) playing something resembling poker at something resembling poker tables.

In "normal" poker rooms (I'm going to stop using quotes around that word now... just assume that by not quoting "normal", I am not necessary implying that the Lac Leamy poker room is "abnormal" in any negative sense of the word) there needs to be a certain amount of light in order for players to be able to see the cards. Here, that's not an issue, because the players are seeing their cards on a computer screen which obviously provides its own illumination.

This brings me to what will probably be a deterrent for players who work in front of a computer all day: the last thing they'll want to do is stare at another screen all night. I would imagine that one reason (of many) that many office-types enjoy live poker is that it is a tactile, tangible game, played with cards and chips and people. Not a computer screen in sight, and many people like it that way.

So yeah, it kinda reminded me of a relatively upscale little nightclub.

The first thing you do when you get there is to get a poker card, which is like an ATM card for the room. Everyone has the same PIN for their cards, though (9999) so guard it like cash. You can deposit any amount of cash you'd like onto the card, and re-deposit/cash out at will. I chose to load mine up with 1K.

Additionally, they will attach a name to your card. I immediately said "all aces" (my online handle) instead of my real name. It seemed automatic, and assumed, that nobody would use their real names here, and after consulting the names on the waiting lists, my suspicions proved correct: everyone was going by their online handles. We were in some sort of an online/live hybrid, with some parts changing, and others staying the same.

I couldn't help chuckling later as I listened to the staff say over the PA (in a French accent): "Animal, your 2/5 no-limit seat is available. The Crusher, your 2/4 limit hold'em seat is available".

After choosing a nickname and loading up your card with cash, you get on the waiting lists for the games you'd like to play. It should come as no surprise that this was fully automated as well: you line up for a kiosk, swipe your card, and the screen then shows you all of the games that are being offered that night. Like a kid in a candy store, you then touch the games you're interested in, and watch as your nickname appears on the big plasma at the entrance, list by list.

The lineup for this kiosk was pretty long at times... They could definitely use one or two more than the single one that is currently available.

And then, you wait. And you might just be waiting for quite some time, depending on which games you'd like to play. Here are the games that were offered last night, and the number of people on each list at about 8:30pm:

2/4 lhe: at least 20 people (the plasmas don't show more than the first 20 people/list)
3/6 lhe: 3 people
10/20 lhe: 5 people
1/2 nlhe: at least 20 people
2/4 nlhe: at least 20 people
2/5 nlhe: 11 people
5/10 nlhe: 4 people
$115 single table tournament (sng): 11 people

That's not too bad actually, unless you're a 1/2 or 2/4 nlhe player, or a 2/4 lhe player. Even then, at least they had a few (ten-handed) tables running of each. I added my name to the 10/20 list, the 2/5 nlhe list, and the $115 sng list.

There is good news and bad news about what happens when your name is finally highlighted at the top of a list. The good news: they give you 10 minutes to get to your seat and check in. The bad news: they give everyone else 10 minutes too. Imagine this: the list for 1/2 nlhe is ridiculously long, but you REALLY want to play $1/$2 nlhe at Lac Leamy. You've driven 18 hours specifically to play a $1/$2 nlhe session at Lac Leamy. So, you wait three hours, and finally, there are only five people ahead of you on the list. A seat becomes available--you can see the empty chair--and the name at the top of the list is highlighted. 10 minutes pass, and the chair is still empty. This guy either:

A) got sick of waiting, and left, or:
B) is playing in another game, and doesn't notice/doesn't care that his name is highlighted. For some reason, the highly automated system can't tell that you are logged in and sitting at one table when you're called for another, and thus, doesn't inform you. I guess the two systems run independently of each other.

So, the first name on the second list disappears, and the second name is highlighted. The same thing happens. Ditto for names three, four, and five. After 50 minutes of staring at the empty chair, you are good to go.

To be fair, the staff does seem to be taking steps to correct this problem. They've started calling names over the PA instead of letting the computer do all the work, and if people don't show up in a more reasonable amount of time, they manually delete the names and move on to the next ones.

I took my seat at the bar and began the waiting process. During this time, I counted the following:

2 large projection screens with three different sports channels on each.

2 plasmas over the bar, also sports channels.

A few plasmas here and there showing the waiting lists.

2 private glassed-in rooms, with a poker table and a plasma in each one: the "high roller" rooms.

I had a pint of beer (which you're not allowed to take away from the bar, much less drink at the tables) and a pizza that wasn't that great. After about 30 minutes or so I realized that the 10/20 lhe list I was on was actually an interest list, and not an active game. The kiosk didn't make me aware of this at all... The only way I figured it out was when I noticed that there was some tiny print next to the game names on the plasma. Next to the 10/20 title, it said: "(Tables: 0). Lol.

Fortunately I was called for the $115 sng shortly after that. We were shown into one of the two glassed-in "high roller" rooms. Very impressive. This room is adjacent to the "real" high-roller room (you can tell it's big-time because the low light in THAT room is red...) and there was a full $5/$10 nlhe game going next door. Through the glass, I noticed that Marc "Myst" Karam was in the game. They sounded like they were having fun, and they were unsupervised, too.

The seats were already randomly assigned, and you just had to swipe your card to lock yourself in. Since this was the first moment I'd ever actually used one of these particular tables, I'll describe the experience.

If you've ever been to the poker room at Turning Stone in New York, you're already familiar with the concept, as they have two or three of these electronic tables shoved into a corner. They are like an exhibit at the Ex about The Future: most people just stopped, pointed, and carried on. Here at Lac Leamy, though, there is no alternative. And I can't emphasize enough the surreal feeling of walking into a big poker room that is missing the sound of chips being riffled. Table after table of silent computerized action... It's like that scene in Jurassic Park where they all walk into the "breeding" lab for the first time to see how the dinosaurs are created. Or that scene in Aliens where Sigourney Weaver and her remaining crew first step into the area where the big mother alien is hatching her eggs.

But I digress.

The tables are ten-handed, and there is ample arm- and leg-room for all. The first thing to do after you swipe your card is decide whether you want your information to be delivered in English or French. The interface is pretty intuitive; it doesn't take long before you are touchscreening your way to poker glory.

You look at your cards by cupping your hands over the screen. When you do this, the digital corners peel back to show you what you're holding. The instant your hands leave the screen, the cards return to their face-down position. Every action you make needs to be confirmed, to prevent misclicks. Pot sizes, stack sizes etc. are all clearly displayed. If you are closing the action on the hand, you can show one card or both cards as you fold or drag the pot. There are lights on the front of each player's screen that illuminate when it's their turn to act. In addition to each player's individual screen, there is a large plasma in the centre of the table that mimics what you'd normally see on the table during a hand: cards in front of players still active in the hand, chips in the centre of the pot, chips in front of players who have just bet, called and/or raised, the community cards, etc. Additionally, on your screen, there is an "options" button. This screen allows you to do a number of things. You can press "sit out", which gives you a 15 minute break from the table. If you need more time than that, you need to call the floor, and they will give you a meal button. Which brings me to the greatest feature ever: there is a button that says "call floor". If you press this, a staff member will be at your side very quickly. And--forgive me for saying this, as I mean no disrespect--they're basically your bitches. You never have to leave your chair. They'll take your card and put you on waiting lists. They'll take your card and your cash and reload for you. They'll take your card and roll you on a list if you like. Awesome.

There's also a button that calls the waitress to your table. So much power in such indiscriminate hands.

That about covers it when it comes to the actual nuts and bolts of operation from a player's standpoint. It's pretty basic. However, that doesn't nearly cover the feeling of playing in this sit and go in a glassed-in room at a casino without a dealer, or any casino staff in the room. It was like being a kid in school when the teacher's out of the class. Inmates running the asylum and all of that. It was liberating somehow. The staff was only there to get it started, and then only when someone needed them. I loved it.

The structure of their sit and go's:

10 minute levels, 2500 chips to start.

25/50
50/100
100/200
150/300
200/400
300/600
Etc. (I didn't make it any further)

10 minutes/level is pretty quick for a live SNG, but of course, without a dealer, and cards, and chips, we were getting in more hands during those ten minutes than we normally would. It's still not as fast as online, though... maybe 15 minute levels would be best. But the structure was decent enough.

One thing that bugged me is that you can't join the list for the next SNG if you're still playing in the current one. This was news to the staff: I got up from the table to quickly sign up for the next one, and it wasn't available to me on the waiting list screen at the kiosk. (At this point I didn't know that the floor staff would have come to my table, taken my card, and tried this for me). I asked them about it, and they were surprised that I couldn't do it. I guess I'm the first SNG junky to try it; or at least, the first they were aware of. Hopefully they will change this.

I know it's ridiculous to write about hands from a measly $115 SNG (and a measly $2/$5 nlhe game later in this entry) but that's what I played, so I guess I might as well include some hands.

50/100, my stack 2300

I have Ad9d in lp. Ep limps, mp makes it 300, I call, blinds fold, and ep limper folds (?). Heads-up.

Flop: JT3 with 2 diamonds, giving me the nut flush draw. My opponent checked. I normally bet here but thought he might be trapping (raise preflop and then check) and I wanted the free card so I checked behind.

Turn: offsuit ten. He bets 300, I call.

river: another offsuit ten. He bets 500, I now have enough information to decide that he wasn't trapping with that flop check... He has AK or AQ. So I shove for 1k more, and he folds.

At around this point I was called (over the PA) for my 2/5 nlhe seat. I was surprised that the computer didn't just point the floor to the table I was currently seated at, but I've covered that already. I pressed a button to call a staff member; he came, took my card, and rolled me.

I lose a lot when I open-raise Ah5h mp, get called by what turned out to be 78o by the player to my left (he wasn't in the blinds, more on that later) and getting caught up in a board that by the turn was 456T with two hearts, giving me middle pair on the flop and the nut flush draw on the turn. I missed.

I won a small-ish pot with AJ, and doubled up with KK to get me back to a respectable 3200 or so. The blinds got pretty big pretty fast, though, and at 300/600 I pushed for about 2400 with TJo after it was folded to me in the SB. The bb (the guy who had previously called a raise with 78) called in a heartbeat with K8o and won, busting me in 5th place. That in and of itself isn't really earth-shattering or interesting, but right before this hand happened, he said "man, I have to start playing good", because he'd doubled up a couple of shortstacks by making really bad, loose, marginal calls against them when they pushed. I figured he'd learned his lesson, and would fold all but premium or close to premium hands if I pushed the small. Apparently not.

In one hand, a short-ish stack pushed for like 3K with 6 remaining and 200/400 blinds, and he called (again, not from the blinds) with A6o. Of course, he lost to AQ, but the best part was when he said, with total sincerity, "I was hoping you had a weaker ace". I almost lol'd myself to death but managed to keep it in.

By the way, English is the predominant language that is spoken at the tables.

In a miracle of timing, my 2/5 nlhe seat opens up just as I'm leaving the SNG. The board tells me what table and seat I've been assigned to, and the staff shows me the way. Sure enough, the screen in front of the empty chair reads: "this seat is reserved for all aces". If anyone else tried to swipe their card in, they wouldn't be able to play. It's like magic.

I swiped my card (which was now $115 less than the 1K I'd deposited...) and bought in for the max of $500. You can choose to buy in for as much or as little of the money on your card as you'd like, provided obviously that the amount falls within the min/max buy-in rules for the table.

This was a bit of a whirlwind trip, because I wanted to be back at my hotel by midnight. It's no vacation here in Ottawa for me this week, and work always comes before poker for me, so the objective was to go to Lac Leamy, cram as much of the experience as I could into about 3 hours, and leave. Winning and/or losing in those three hours didn't matter much to me; rather, I wanted to get a good feel for the place in a short amount of time.

Five hands:

I win a nice little pot raising TcJc, missing everything on the flop but betting every street heads-up, and luckboxing my way into a backdoor flush, although my river bet went uncalled.

I am UTG with QhTh and raise to $15. 2 callers.

Flop Q79 with 2 hearts, giving me top pair and a flush draw. I bet $35 and get one caller.

Turn is an offsuit ace, I bet $75 and he calls.

River is a low heart giving me my flush, and I bet $135. My opponent says "I hope you didn't catch a flush" and then shoves all-in for about $140 more. I say "that must mean that YOU caught a flush" and the table cracks up. I then told him that I had one too, and called, and beat his flopped set of nines. Up to 1K at that table.

In general, the room is spacious and quiet. Very calm. I am told that the poker room currently closes at 4am on weeknights, but as of April it will be open 24/7.

Folded to the button who has about $2500 or so. He opens to $18. Sb folds, I am in the BB with AKo and call.

Flop: AK3 rainbow. I check, he bets $25, I make it $75, and he calls. For some reason, at the moment he called, I had a bad feeling about the hand, which explains how the rest of it went down.

Turn: J. I check, he bets $125, I call.

River: 3. I check, he bets $250, I call and lose to his pocket aces. I show my hand, and he realizes that he might have been able to get my entire stack. Instead, I am down to the original $500 I sat down with. I talked to Hayley about this hand later that night, and she asked me a good question: if I had a bad feeling, why didn't I fold, instead of calling down? I think I made up some shit about how there wasn't enough information to down a hand that strong, and I think I kept repeating that I had AK on a AK3 rainbow flop, but really, that's all BS. I should have trusted the instinct that made me slow right down and go into check/call mode. I should have trusted it enough to fold.

An orbit later, I am not playing optimally, and limp UTG with QTo. Lol. A couple of other players limp, and the blinds are in, so five to the flop:

789 with one spade (the spades will come into play later). Sb (guy who had aa vs my ak) bets $18, and only I call.

Turn: 6s. Gives me my straight, but puts a backdoor flush draw up there, and of course I'm losing to JT. Sb checks, I bet $35, he raises to $80, I call.

River: Js, giving me the nut straight but completing the backdoor flush possibility. SB bets $100. I think forever and finally decide that he has a ten, and not a flush, and we were chopping before I caught that jack on the river. So I raised to $300, and then he thought forever, said "sick" a few times, and finally called. He had ATo for a lower straight, and I dragged the pot, getting most of my chips back from him that I'd lost in that AK/AA hand.

I note that we are getting in a lot of hands/hr, and that it's very convenient seeing the pot and stack sizes all the time.

Someone takes a bad beat in a hand I wasn't involved in, and I say "live poker is rigged". This gets a laugh, and I'm pleased with myself because there's finally new life to this old, tired joke: we aren't really playing live poker, perse. I figure this joke was just barely obscure enough to only make me about the 20th person to say it with irony since the room opened a week ago, and I'm happy with that.

One thing that's missing from that great "options" menu is the ability to see what your opponents fold after they go to showdown, lose, and muck. This is obviously available online, as well as in normal poker rooms, if you ask the dealer.

One more hand: I open-raise in MP with ATo to $15, and get one LP caller. The flop is T32 rainbow, I bet $25, and he min-raises to $50 with only $100 behind. I put him all-in, he has QQ, and wins.

I quit the Lac Leamy poker room with an $85 profit.

Regulars were telling me throughout the night that they were thrilled to have somewhere safe, and regulated, to play. I guess a lot of the underground clubs have been getting robbed/busted lately (probably busted because of the new poker roome) so they couldn't be happier about the new room.

I'm not sure if I've conveyed a positive or a negative vibe about Lac Leamy in this report/review. I actually thought it was really cool, and would definitely go back next time I'm in the area. With that being said, underneath the excitement of the new toys, and the action, was an undercurrent of... well... boredom. I was feeling it for reasons I'm about to explain, and as I looked around the table, and then around the room, I could see it on many other faces as well. All in all, it was kind of like playing one table online, with no web to surf, or email to check. In normal poker rooms, the chips and the cards and occasional dealer errors (believe it or not) all make for a more visceral experience, somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it. With the experience at Lac Leamy bearing such a strong resemblance to playing online poker, you can't help but wonder where your other four tables are at.